The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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