brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
