you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
