Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
