it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
