Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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