I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
