Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
