i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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