the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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