can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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