i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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