Just fell off a train. Bad.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
