brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
