I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
