she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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