I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
