Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize