I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
