...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
