Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
