May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
