you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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