i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize