If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
