I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
