u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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