He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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