If i could tip my vagina, i would.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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