dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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