Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
