you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
