Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
