She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
