Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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