I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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