The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize