it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
