I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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