we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
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