You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
