she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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