I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Everclear isn't food dammit
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
