I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
