Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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