My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
