I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
