So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
