There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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