I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize