I met the friendliest cop last night
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
