it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
