thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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