I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
