North Korea, Best Korea!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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