even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
third nipple confirmed
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize