I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
