Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
