i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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