I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
