She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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