I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
