i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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