He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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