Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
