Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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