My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
