Jerry, you need to find god
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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