im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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