I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
