Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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