walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
